so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Randomize
