Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
