oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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