He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
