i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
