Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize