What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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