My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
