i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
