Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
