i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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