All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
