I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
