You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
