Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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