Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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