im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
