I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
