Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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