we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
