You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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