There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
