Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
