He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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