just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
