That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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