How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
