I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
