need another drink. this is the easiest way
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
