Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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