just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
