Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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