Will you blow on my dice?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
