Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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