Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
