Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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