he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize