Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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