we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize