i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
