so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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