guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
