my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize