I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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