too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
