So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
