I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
