what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
