i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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