I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
