life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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