Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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