I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
