My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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