Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
