There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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