Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
