He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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