I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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