Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize