I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize