wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize