So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
