my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
zippers are such a cool invention
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
