Got a toothbrush?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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