i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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